Words by: Yoonji Lee
Graphic by: Shea Peña
Graphic by: Shea Peña
It’s no secret that there’s more to prom than innocent dancing, dresses, and itchy corsages. Throughout the years, prom has cemented itself into the heart of American culture, right next to baseball, apple pie, and Dolly Parton. But while it may have served as a central part of many teens’ coming-of-age experiences, prom has also become synonymous with losing your virginity. With the rise of prom-centric teen movies, from American Pie to Pretty in Pink, the idea of losing your virginity on prom night has become largely glamorized. Its romanticization functions as a pivotal moment in many teenagers' lives to symbolize the pinnacle of high school experiences.
From countless media depictions to casual conversations among friends, teens are inundated with messages urging them to lose their virginity as a rite of passage to adulthood. Our teen years are supposedly the time in our lives to party, have sex, and be wild before consequences become dire enough to stop us from making mistakes. But in high school, it seems as though everyone’s competing for who’s done the most, who’s gone the farthest, who’s lost their virginity, and how fucking awesome was losing it? And if you haven’t? Too bad you’re falling behind.
It’s easy to believe that you’re not living your best teenage years if you can’t keep up. This is especially true when it seems like everyone else has reached sexual milestones, leaving those who haven’t feeling immature, insecure, and isolated. When you expect to lose your virginity, and it doesn’t happen, it's disheartening; there’s not only direct pressure but also a feeling of inferiority. And if you still haven’t had sex yet, there’s a ticking time bomb to lose your virginity before college. No one wants to be the anomaly, and with these expectations, for many, sex becomes something to do rather than something you want to do.
Between the sweaty bodies and hovering chaperones, one thing is absolute: the looming pressure to lose your virginity as soon as possible. But this concept of virginity only reinforces harmful cycles of behavior. The concept of virginity has been used for centuries as a tool to control and dictate women's sexuality. Historically, a woman’s value was dependent on her sexual purity, whereas men were encouraged to utilize sex to gain respect. Generally, the loss of virginity is often equated with the transition from childhood to adulthood. However, men are commonly encouraged to lose their virginity as soon as possible, desiring to graduate quickly into manhood. For them, sex becomes a conquest where women become commodities, and only the bravest men are rewarded. Society deems virgin men disastrous, believing their virgin status completely undermines their masculinity.
Inversely, a woman’s virginity is safely guarded by her innocence and purity, whereas the loss of it brands her a whore. They are pigeonholed into two categories, forced to choose between virgin and slut. Regardless of their category, both women are stripped of their autonomy. They struggle to straddle the precarious line of chaste maiden or sinner. It’s impossible to hold women to a standard that demands them to be demure, untouched, yet all-knowing temptresses in the bedroom. A woman’s virginity obviously doesn’t mark a coming-of-age but instead works to categorize them based on their sexual experience. This commodification of female bodies not only distorts the perceptions of their identities while preserving negative power dynamics reinforced by patriarchy.
It shouldn’t matter if you sleep with ten people or zero. Your choice to sleep with someone is no one but your own and shouldn’t be influenced by the need to comply with cultural demands or to avoid the judgment of horny high-schoolers. Society's continuous assumption that teens should lose their virginity as soon as possible only perpetuates archaic beliefs about gender roles and sexuality. When you reclaim agency over your body and decisions, the pressure to conform to a predefined timeline becomes irrelevant.
Ultimately, it’s your decision whether you spend your night with Jake. All that matters is whether you truly had a night you won’t forget, and if you used a condom.