Words by: Jennie Bull
Graphic by: Araya Shon Tara
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Walk down Patpong Street at night, nestled right in the middle of Bangkok’s red light district, and you will be greeted by all kinds of business owners promoting a “100% real women sex show” or “the dirtiest thing you’ll ever see,” or “pussy ping pong live on Patpong show”… you get the point. Naturally, as the co-founder of a sex-positive magazine like Moody, I had to see this for myself.
For only 300 Baht or 9 US dollars, you get a live sex show and a free drink. This show is unlike any traditional stripper or burlesque experience you may have had before. Here's a look at what's to come...
I know, so many options, how can you even decide? But don’t worry, you don’t have to pick and choose. You get it all, whether you like it or not.
When I first walked in, I was both tantalized and off put. The fluorescent lighting beamed down under the dozens of audience members, mostly older men, as they slithered around the venue with anticipation.
Through my hour of sitting in the front row, I witnessed more than I knew to be humanly possible. This experience was immersive, to say the least. The audience was given ping pong paddles, which to our surprise would be used to hit back balls shooting full speed out of the performers vagina. Something they don’t tell you is to beware of flying objects; I personally fell victim to the “pussy carrot” part of the show. As a pussy carrot came thwarting full speed at my head, hitting me with a forceful thump, ducking for cover proved no use.
Even though I was assaulted by incoming pussy carrots and bananas, the most traumatic aspect of this show had to be the "pussy frogs" (substituted for “pussy snake”). One of the women took center stage, precariously placed a clear bucket beneath her, and began to contract her stomach muscles. She had an unenthused, almost bored look on her face and gazed off into the distance as we all slowly realized where this was going. Suddenly, I see a frog leg reach out, almost as if grasping towards the light, and with one kegel-like push, a full-size frog plopped out. Horrified, to say the least, I thought it would be a one-and-done thing. I was sorely mistaken, as a second one was squirted out seconds after. Needless to say, I will never look at a frog the same way again.
As strange as this experience was, some elements were quite impressive. One of the women used two chopsticks to pick up glow-stick rings and place them over a bottle, contorting the chopsticks with her vaginal muscles alone. Another had quite beautiful handwriting despite using her vagina to hold and maneuver a Crayola marker (talk about ambidextrous).
All four of these women boasted impeccable aim, whether it was shooting out ping pong balls or directing darts at balloons. Additionally, I didn’t even think it was possible for a vagina to smoke two cigarettes, but I saw with my own eyes a clear inhale and exhale of smoke (though the health risks are unclear, so please never try this at home without a trained professional).
Yet, for all these women put their bodies through, it is beyond shocking that we only paid $9 (excluding tips). If I were to pull a string of ten razor blades out of my vagina, I’m at least getting thousands for it! This shows the lengths that performers have to go to please their bosses and clients, to get a paycheck, or avoid verbal/physical abuse. For such a low price, dozens of horny audience members could watch women soar to new heights of physical endurance and deep vulnerability.
At times, the show felt more degrading than empowering for anyone. The male owner would shout over the microphone what the next “pussy act” would be as the girls on stage took turns going up to do their duty. Thinking deeply about the ethics of this left me with a lot to unpack. Not to “yuck” anyone's “yum,” but man, oh man… It scares me that this is a thing.
Will the Shameless Sex Show Scene of Bangkok completely scar you? Yes. But is it something you need to see at least once in your life? If you’re anything like me, yes, but probably not.