The Line Between Sacred and Scared

MAR–22–2023






Words by: Mia Jones
Photo by: Will Koning


The scene is a middle school computer lab, where about twenty-five girls aged 13 are wondering what the hell they’re about to hear. A middle-aged woman enters the room to inform the young girls about purity and abstinence. When she says the word “sex,” it comes out in an awkward, shrill whisper, as if the utterance of the word is a sin in itself. She preaches that God condemns sex before marriage. If you do not remain pure, you will get infections, hate yourself, and piss off the Holy Spirit. 

STDs were briefly mentioned, but they were regarded as sinful and dirty. We were never taught what STDs actually were or how to treat them. There was little mention of different forms of contraceptives besides maybe condoms, but even then, the idea of needing contraceptives was a sin in itself. Everything about “the talk” felt taboo. Each inaccurate and misleading depiction of sexual health only served as a means to fear monger and threaten hell.     

During my time at my Christian high school, there was no sex ed period. According to a 2017 article from the nursing department at the University of Southern California, “Only about half of states in the U.S. require sex education, even fewer states have legislation requiring medical accuracy, inclusive language, and information about contraception.” Sex-Ed can entirely shape one’s perceptions of intimacy and sex. My heavily church influenced sex education led to fear about losing my virginity and shame about these innate desires. This creates a sense of religious guilt, where one feels wrong for wanting to experiment when it’s a natural human instinct.

Scare tactics and abstinence only policies are not effective. This strict method of preaching and talking down to kids causes them to turn to unreliable sources filled with misinformation. Learning about sexual health through media, pornography, or clueless conversations with friends can be damaging and dangerous. This is why schools have an obligation to thoughtfully teach their students about sex before entertainment can. Sex Ed never points out that sex is fun and feels good – but that it can hurt at first! We are never told about the lines of consent, how virginity is just a construct, or what it means to be “fertile” or “ovulating.”  

Sexual education needs to change. It is crucial to create a level of trust and transparency between a school and its children. There must be a more honest and inclusive education about sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity. This conversation should discuss what sex means for people of all sexual orientations, and place value on pleasure and the joys of sexual exploration. Sexual education should be liberating; a celebration of humanity and adulthood.