Sex as a Painkiller

APR–17–2023






Words by: rmusman
Photo by: Nick Held
 Edited by: Audrey Weisburd


I have a chronic pain disorder and a chronic illness – both of which have had a drastic, negative impact on my sex life. It’s hard for pleasure to co-exist with pain. My chronic illness causes severe abdominal pain and bloating, and I can’t remember a time without having stomach problems. Feeling sexy while your stomach feels double its usual size is a roadblock in getting into the mood. Whether it’s from intrusive thoughts about my appearance or physical suffering, sinking into the moment and being able to cum can feel impossible.

I wish for that moment of pure bliss – where the world surrounding you doesn’t exist. The only thing that does is the pure release of anything and everything. The rush of oxytocin and dopamine soaring through your body takes over, and nothing else matters. 

Whether you are being held in someone’s arms or by yourself, there’s nothing like the sensation of an orgasm. With pain though, reaching that point feels like such an obstacle. I could want to share a moment with someone, but if I am not feeling well physically, I can’t enjoy it. It is beyond frustrating. I could be mid-fuck and my mind is consumed with thoughts of my pain.

I feel a sense of guilt when I have sex while feeling unwell. I worry that I did something wrong, like I wasn’t supposed to hookup with someone if not at my best. This is disheartening, as sex should be enjoyed by anyone, with or without a chronic illness. Though, over time, I have managed to find some silver linings and positive ways to integrate my sex life with my pain.

Headaches used to consume my life. I missed so much school, my social life was cut short, and I grew up in constant agony. Oftentimes the only thing that could cure my migraines were orgasms. There are times where I will masturbate not because I am horny, but for the sake of relief. I could have been miserable all day, but during the orgasm, I felt free of the crippling pain. For the time that follows, the throbbing headaches I was used to experiencing, would be significantly diminished. 

I have learned to empower and liberate myself from the circumstances I can’t control. Sex and masturbation can act like my favorite pain-killer. We all have our unique set of life experiences and roadblocks from being able to find a sense of presence during sex. It is important to open this conversation to people with chronic pain.