Safe Slut is a sex positive brand that aims to destigmatize STIs, particularly herpes, and promote sex positivity. Founder Tricia Wise was diagnosed with genital herpes in November 2019. After noticing the stigma and shame surrounding being herpes positive, she created her Instagram account @safe.slut to help people take their power back.
In addition to this, she wanted to share her passion for herbal potions and reiki healing. She also spends her time writing about sex and dating on her Patreon, helping people through their herpes diagnosis with support calls and reiki, and breaking down taboos on her web series Getting Sloppy with Safe Slut. In May 2022, Safe Slut started her OnlyFans account (@safeslvt) to show that you can be hsv+ and still be hot af. Moody sat down with the advocate and founder as she shares tips, resources, and insights on her experience.
- you only get it when being promiscuous
- you can get it by sharing towels, from a toilet seat, hot tub
- you can only transmit during an outbreak
- it makes you dirty or damaged
- no one will want to date you anymore
- it causes infertility
- you constantly have sores (some people never get outbreaks, only have one, or very infrequently)
Herpes facts:
- herpes is transmitted skin to skin, not through fluid, so using protection won’t eliminate risk
- cold sores are herpes, and you can get genital herpes from someone who gets cold sores from them going down on you
- herpes is extremely common, over 1 in 5 people aged 14-49 has genital herpes and ⅔ of the population gets oral herpes
- it’s not on the standard STI panel, ask your doctor if you want a test
- it’s usually asymptomatic so the majority of people who have it have no idea (approximately 85%)
- you can still have casual sex!
- you can still have kids
- you can still receive oral
SS: In November 2019 when I was diagnosed, I had no knowledge of herpes, and I wasn’t being a safe slut. I noticed I had some sores, just one or two small ones that didn’t really look like anything, but I knew something was off. I went to urgent care and tested positive for herpes.
The practitioner who tested me said it was super common and was very nice about it, but didn’t really give me much information. I basically blacked out when she told me. I was in shock and thinking oh my God do I deserve this? Because I was pretty unsafe for most of my time in my teenage years and early 20’s. I had lots of shame. I didn't leave my bed for days. I didn't eat. I just sobbed.
SS: There were a few factors that helped me shift my perspective of feeling a lot of shame about it. I realized the more people I told, the better I felt about it. People responded with kindness, they would open up with experiences of friends that have it, or that they had it too and never told anyone. Or just people who responded that I would still find people to date, that it wasn’t a big deal.
I know not everyone can say that, but for me over-sharing that I had herpes was helpful. I even posted on my personal Instagram a few months after I got it with – kind of a nude, but censored (Instagram obviously took it down) – the caption,
“I HAVE GENITAL HERPES” and information about it in the comments.
I had a lot of people DM me - acquaintances who I didn’t know that well saying ‘thank you so much, I have never told anyone’ . It made me realize so many people have it, but no one talks about it. Finding other people who had it and building an online community really helped me. When I started my own account, it was a way for me to find help and talk about it with other people. Then I became really educated about it, the more I learned about herpes the more I realized it’s really not that big of a deal.
JB: What advice would you give someone who’s newly diagnosed and battling internalized shame?
SS: Don't rush anything. Don't feel pressure to start dating again; everyone's gonna have their own timeline for their healing and it's not going to be linear. Seek out support - whether that’s from friends or others who have it. You can also book a support call with me!
SS: It's funny because before I got herpes, I was definitely a self-described slut and have always been sex-positive and very open about my sexuality. But after I got herpes, I realized I actually wasn't prioritizing my pleasure. For me, getting herpes was actually really helpful in learning how to receive from other people and how to spend time solo pleasuring - just connecting back to my body in general. Whether you have herpes or not, I think it's really important to do all of that.
Disclosing that I have herpes helps me continue the conversation about consent and pleasure. When I'm having these vulnerable conversations pretty early on in dating, before we do anything, when I disclose I also ask them about their STI status, from there it can turn into a conversation of “here’s how we're going to protect ourselves” and “I'm really into this”. It just makes everything hotter because you are building trust.
SS: When I'm creating content and posting it online I'm not thinking of it in a sense that people are reading it, I'm just treating it like a diary. So whenever I have experiences with people in-person about it, it just blows my mind. One time, I was really drunk at a music festival and someone came up to me and started crying and said how much my content had helped them. I started to cry too. It was such a beautiful experience.
Just this weekend, I hosted a little herpes retreat at my house with women who subscribe to my patreon. I do herpes support calls with them and people came from all over the country to join. It feels so cool because, I never would've met these people if I didn't get herpes and if they didn't get herpes. We have this lovely little network. I don't even know if we talked about herpes once the entire weekend haha, it was just a lot of empowerment overall and that’s really awesome. Pretty much all of my friends in New York have herpes – not to out anyone – but it’s much more common than people think. It's not just herpes, it's a whole entire community. Especially in times like this, that is more important than ever.
SS: Before I got herpes I lacked a lot of confidence. Herpes forced me to do a lot of inner work that wouldn't have happened if I didn't get it, so I don't even know if I would be at this level of iconic hotness if I wasn't a herpes hottie!
I always talk about how having a self-pleasure practice is a huge part of self-care and self-love, which is really important, but I like to take the word pleasure even further. It doesn't necessarily have to be sexual, it's just sort of doing things for you because you deserve it. I think it takes a while to truly feel worthy and deserving, especially when you didn't grow up with a lot or had a lot of bad relationships in the past; it's hard to feel worthy of what you've never had. Giving yourself that love will transfer over to all relationships and aspects of your life.
SS: TO BE ANSWERED
If you are struggling with an STI diagnosis, you are not alone, there is a whole community out there waiting to support you. Download the *free* HSV hotties handbook here and check out all things Safe Slut at the links below.