in honor of those i have yet to forgive

JUL–11–2024

Words by: Jacob Tolédo
Photo by: Zi Sauta

As a child, I was always taught to forgive those who have wronged me. I also thought Santa was real and $5 was a fortune. As I’ve matured & have been on the side where I’ve wronged someone I loved. I understand not getting the privilege of getting forgiveness. Nobody is a saint & unfortunately I’ve lived experiences where I have been far from one.

I don't hand out my forgiveness easily. I love people and I love hard, so when things go south it hurts me deeply. I’ve learned that it’s okay to not want to forgive someone for what they did while not hating them at the same time. It’s a lesson that comes with years of living.

Having a toxic person in your life can wear away at your soul. The lies that start off as a book can often grow into a library. Toxicity can creep up on you like carbon monoxide; you can’t see it and then next thing you know you got fucked over. People are sometimes brought to you in that form.

I can’t forgive the ones who’ve wronged me because that time was an expense. Time is a currency I can’t make back. I can't work my 9-5 and get those lost hours handed to me along with my paycheck; that time is gone. If it was something to cherish, I would feel differently… but it sometimes isn’t.

While I believe that forgiveness is something that should be done with caution, I do think sometimes there is room to consider bringing down the wall you’ve created. Like the court system (which is fucked but that’s a different story for another day), there are different sentences for different “crimes.” Some warrant lengthy sentences that can last a lifetime, others are less severe and leave more room for resolution. I don't believe in throwing years away over a small dispute, but I’m not afraid to throw decades away if the ‘crime’ calls for it.

The important takeaway is this: don’t forgive just to make peace, forgive if it gives YOU peace. Those who feel most entitled to your forgiveness are often the ones who don’t deserve it. You don’t need to give out forgiveness if you don’t want to; it’s up to you to decide what will serve you best.

As it was just Global Forgiveness Day, I’d encourage you to try to offer some compassion and understanding to yourself. Others might not deserve the forgiveness that you’ve yet to give out to the one you see in the mirror. Sometimes the things you’ve ruled unforgivable aren’t deemed the crime of self-hatred.

You deserve it, I deserve it, we all deserve it.