MAY–31–2024
Words by: Alexa Cipriano
Graphic by: Midjourney
Graphic by: Midjourney
In the following weeks, I would receive an Instagram DM here and there, giving me some sort of false hope that he was still thinking about me. Over time, the DMs became more infrequent, and the social media likes ceased to exist. I had finally accepted that I had been completely ghosted , until I received a random text from him at the end of November of just my name. I responded expecting an answer, my mind racing through all of the possibilities. But days turned into weeks and my inbox was still empty. I had been ghosted for a second time! That fucker.
But I knew that the mind games and pure psychological torture this man had put me through would make for a reeling interview. So I called him, pitched him the idea, and for some reason he agreed to do it.
Keep in mind that both parties are incredibly biased and hold their own interpretation of events. Enjoy!
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Alexa: Hey —-- how are you?
Anonymous: I’m good, how are you?
As I prepped the questions and pulled them up on my laptop he stood up and grabbed a pair of clout goggles to put on, almost as if he was mocking the nature of this entire ordeal.
Alexa: I’m great. We were hanging out for a couple of weeks, you ended things very abruptly, and I never got any answers. So I am going to ask you some questions about that, if it is okay with you.
Anonymous: Yup, sounds lovely.
Alexa: When we first started hanging out, did you know that you would eventually ghost me?
Anonymous: Um, honestly no. I didn’t even know that we’d continue hanging out after, so I definitely would not say that I expected to ghost you.
Alexa: We continued hanging out for a while after that. Once you realized we were going to keep seeing each other, what were your thoughts then?
Anonymous: So, originally I thought it was just a week-long thing, and then we hung out a few times after that. I felt like we didn’t really talk that much outside of us hanging out with other people, so I didn’t define what we were doing as “talking” or anything, I thought it was just a casual thing.
Alexa: Yeah so the lines were definitely blurred there.
Anonymous: Yeah that's what I was kind of thinking. I guess I knew it was going to end because we were both going away to college. I was working from 6am everyday to 3pm, and then from 3pm to 8pm, so I didn’t really have time for anything serious.
Alexa: If you’re saying right now that it was just a casual thing that you didn’t define, then why did you feel the need to put an end to it?
Anonymous: I feel like it’s good to find closure. I want more than just accepting that I’m never gonna see the person again, I always like to say goodbye to people.
Alexa: You would consider the phone call and the texts you sent me after the phone call closure?
To clarify, he ended things with me over the phone, exchanged a few texts with me after the call, and that was the end of our communication. At this point in the interview, he had no idea what I was talking about, and I realized that he did not even remember ending things with me at all. I had to send him screenshots, and summarize the nature of the call.
Alexa: Now with that knowledge, did you give me closure or did you ghost me?
Anonymous: In my personal opinion, I feel like ghosting is when you stop talking to somebody and never explain why, like if I had hung out with you and then never talked to you again. We still had each other on social media but I guess this was the kind of closure that I was talking about.
Alexa: So you do not remember ending things with me at all?
Anonymous: No, I have very little recollection.
I guess that in his interpretation of events, he decided he was done with me, he communicated that with me telepathically, and I was one hundred percent okay with that! No questions left unanswered. How convenient for his ego.
Alexa: This is what happened. I'll explain it. We were both out one night, at different parties, and one of my friends asked you, “what are you and Alexa”? The next day, you called me and ended things, but gave me no reason as to why.
Anonymous: I mean yeah that was my attempt at a clean break, telling you it was over.
Alexa: Do you have trouble articulating yourself sometimes? Like is that something you generally struggle with?
Anonymous: I do believe that in high school I was not mature enough to articulate my feelings and emotions in the fullest way. When your friend asked me “what are you guys”, I was prompted to move accordingly. I did the best I could.
At this point my mind was all over the place, and I decided this interview would go absolutely nowhere, because he was full of contradictions and was unable to even remember the phone call, which was the basis of this entire situation.
Anonymous: Am I allowed to speak candidly?
Alexa: Of course.
Anonymous: I had been hooking up with somebody else that night. Your friend confronted me, and that is when I realized that me and you did not have the same idea of what we were doing. My reaction was to just cut it off and be very brief with my words, rather than explain that I thought we had two different perspectives.
Alexa: Ok. Thank you for that, that was a good answer. The general question that most people have after being ghosted, is “was any of that real, did that person ever like me, etc.” How would you answer that question? Do you feel that you were faking your feelings a lot of the time just to get what you wanted?
Anonymous: You see, I feel like I’ve tried really hard in my life not to do that. I mean I have sisters. They’ve made it painfully obvious that that is the wrong thing to do. You don’t wanna be the person who does that. So no I would not say that I never had feelings or I was faking my feelings to get what I wanted. I think my communication was just not transparent and that may have come off as fake emotion or muted emotion. But I did not have feelings strong enough that I would have dated you. This is not something that has occurred multiple times though.
This next part I was not planning on including but I feel it is important to add for greater context about who this person is.
Alexa: I hear shit. I am plugged in, I hear stories.
Anonymous: Plugged in?
Alexa: Yeah I am aware of the reputation that you have. I wasn’t at the time but now I am and I believe every word because I have experienced it. You can say that I’m the only person you’ve done this to, but I know it is not true.
Anonymous: I mean that’s fair enough, you’re entitled to your own opinion. I mean it’s your article.
Alexa: I’m just not going to let you say false stuff.
Anonymous: I mean it’s not false but-
Alexa: Based on your interpretation, that might be true. Based on the interpretation of many other girls, it seems to be false.
After I said that he started laughing.
Alexa: We’re gonna move on!
Anonymous: I mean generally I do have feelings for the person.
Ok so just not me???? That does not sting at all!
Alexa: Okay. Do you feel like you exaggerate the feelings you experience?
Anonymous: Oh, like to lead somebody on?
Alexa: Yes.
Anonymous: Um, I wouldn’t say I do. But I acknowledge that my perception may be skewed, according to what you're telling me the common belief is, but no I don’t feel like I do. But I feel that once my feelings change, I don’t go about communicating that change effectively. But I do think I am better at communicating that change now.
Alexa: Building off of the guilt, the thought of people referring to you as a consistent “ghoster,” a “massive player,” does that upset you or do you like that title? Be honest.
Anonymous: No, it upsets me.
Alexa: You are not proud of yourself in any way?
Anonymous: No. At no point am I sitting in my bed at night and thinking “yesss, I’m out here just making people feel bad!” Like I really do feel bad about what happened with us. It feels bad.
Alexa: Why does it upset you?
Anonymous: I would never want…I don’t know. I do feel something for all of the people that I talk to and I hook up with- like I’m not going to hook up with someone continuously if I don't feel something for them. Even if I don’t feel anything initially, once I’ve hooked up with someone more than once, I normally develop some type of feeling. To know that I made someone I care about feel that way…it feels bad.
Alexa: I guess you kind of already answered this. How many girls in total do you think you have ghosted?
Anonymous: I mean in my head it really would just be you.
Alexa: Do you think the reason you're even acknowledging that you ghosted me is because I am sitting here telling you that you ghosted me? Do you think you would even know that if I hadn’t brought it up?
Anonymous: I mean, a majority of the people I’ve had relationships with, there has been a clean ending. I mean abrupt maybe, but here’s the thing. Abrupt is arbitrary. The way one person sees something could be completely different from the way the other person might be seeing it. If something happens that changes the way I feel about a person, they don’t know that at the moment.
Alexa: Yes, and that’s especially true to you because you said that you’ve struggled with communication.
Anonymous: It might seem abrupt to one person, but in my head it wasn’t.
Alexa: Ok so considering that, how many people do you really think you have ghosted?
Anonymous: Yeah, probably like four people.
His answer went from one to four in under a minute. Clearly, we will never know the true statistics.
Alexa: It’s been a while since we ended. You have a whole new life now. How many people do you think you have ghosted or “abruptly ended” things with since our time together?
Anonymous: I mean nobody really. I have only talked to a few girls since I’ve been at college.
Alexa: Did something prompt you to change your ways or have you just not had the opportunity to ghost again?
Anonymous: I have definitely had the opportunity. I mean I have never taken pleasure in ghosting people. Now I feel like I’m more mature. Living on your own, you think more about your actions. I am doing more introspective thinking. I’ve changed my ways in many different areas of life. I think that’s the reason I haven’t ghosted anyone since you, and I do not think I will do it again.
Alexa: Final question: If you could summarize it, do you have a general idea of why people ghost?
Anonymous: I believe it’s multiple things. One, people are bad at communicating and scared to say how they really feel. So, instead of effective communication and explaining why they’re leaving, they find it easier to just leave and not say anything. Just cut it off and move on. I think there’s also just some people that don’t care.
Alexa: Which do you think you fall into?
Anonymous: I’d definitely say the first one. If I really didn’t care, I would not be doing this interview. If it was a clean ghost, there would have been a block on everything.
Alexa: I mean I think you are blocked on most things.
Anonymous: Yeah but you blocked me!
Alexa: Yeah, that is true. Not going to argue with that.
I think the best part of this interview was when he asked me why I chose him as the focus of my article. I told him it was because he was the most diabolical of all my options. He seemed shocked by this word and asked me to elaborate, so I did. Everything I had rehearsed for the past 6 months of my life came to fruition. I reminded him of the misleading texts he sent, the lies he told, and the multiple skeevy social media interactions he took part in after cutting me out of his life.
An avid ghoster is so deep in their ways, that they’ve subconsciously convinced themselves that their actions are justified. They struggle to admit to being a ghoster because that would mean they have to change their ways. They will deflect because they trust their perception of events, even if that perception contradicts reality. Every single question I asked, he found a way to skip around it so much that he eventually ended up admitting to his actions without even knowing it. I will gladly accept the months of confusion and heartbreak provoked by his emotional immaturity over the lifetime he has to spend being a condescending and self-righteous dick. After this interview I am still left without answers. But I’m willing to accept it.
Alexa: Thank you so much for doing this. Regardless of everything, I hope you know I wish you the best.
Anonymous: Thank you. I wish you the best as well. Good luck on not getting ghosted again!